Okay, so, “lost lover gray zone” – been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I mean, who hasn’t, right? It’s that awful, murky space where you’re not together together, but you’re not not together either. You know the drill.
First thing I did? Panic. Seriously. I was a mess. One minute I was replaying every conversation, trying to figure out where things went wrong, the next I was convinced it was all a big misunderstanding and they’d be back. My emotions did a full-on rollercoaster.
Then, I stalked. Don’t judge, we all do it. I was checking their social media, like, every five minutes. Looking for clues, hidden messages, any sign of… anything, really. It was exhausting and ultimately, totally unhelpful. I had to put stop.
Reached out to friends.
I vented. I called my best friend and just… let it all out. The anger, the sadness, the confusion. It helped to have someone just listen and say, “Yeah, that sucks.” No judgment, just support.
- Made a pros and cons list.
- Try to write down, all memories.
Then after the panic, the stalking the venting? I did some things to move myself, here’s what I tried.
I forced myself to get out of the house. Even if it was just for a walk. Fresh air, sunshine (or even just gray skies), it helped clear my head a little. I started small, just a quick trip to the coffee shop, then a longer walk in the park. Baby steps.
I tried to focus on me. It sounds cliché, but it’s true. I started doing things I enjoyed, things that had nothing to do with my ex. I re-discovered a love for painting that that had been pushing. Small, creative thing, but it was something mine.
I set boundaries. This was the hardest part. I had to decide what I was okay with, and what I wasn’t. Did I want to stay friends? Did I want to completely cut contact? There’s no right answer, it’s just whatever works for you. For me, I needed some space. I unfollowed them on social media (a HUGE step!), and I told them I needed some time to figure things out. It was awkward, but necessary.
Finally, I accepted that it might not be fixable. This was the toughest pill to swallow. I had to let go of the hope that we’d magically get back together. It didn’t mean I stopped caring, it just meant I started to accept the reality of the situation. And honestly? That’s when things started to get a little bit easier.
The gray zone is still, you know, gray. It’s not perfect. Some days are better than others. But by taking these steps, I’m feeling stronger, and I’m slowly starting to see a way forward, even if it’s not the path I originally envisioned.
